WASHINGTON---While attending a fundraising event in the Nation's Capitol last night, Senator John McCain who has essentially sewn up his party's nomination for President, Strangled a small black infant to prove to skeptical Republican right-wingers that he is the conservative candidate for them. The reaction from Republicans all across the country was swift and nearly unanimous. Bill O'Reilly, pseudo-journalist from the Fox News Network, told reporters, "Wow...I really didn't think McCain had it in him...I'm very, very impressed." Fellow Fox News commentator and pass-around girl Anne Coulter expressed a similar opinion which was given to her by Rupert Murdoch when she said, "I think that this will go a long way towards making conservatives comfortable with voting for McCain...and I've got to tell you, after seeing him strangle a little colored baby, I'd do him." At the White house, President Bush and Vice President Cheney watched the event from the oval office. Cheney as heard laughing quietly and chanting "Choke the darkie, choke the darkie..." over and over while President Bush leaned back in his chair and snickered. Later in the day they both expressed admiration of McCain, the President stating that the Senator would be a righteous and compassionate leader if he became the next President of the U.S. Due to the success of the televised strangling, McCain staffers are hoping to schedule similar events in the future. Among the events they want to work on would be the Senator eating live puppies on the opening day of the 2008 baseball season, pulling the wings off of baby birds on NBC's Today Show and hanging actors in their cartoon character costumes at Walt Disney World on the 4th of July.
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